CATCHALL
I wanted to like this book. I really did. It was one of those books I heard about by random chance and immediately started counting down the days to its release. It looked that good, and was beautiful besides. And when I finally bought it, with its gorgeous cover, I was ecstatic. I dove right in. The beginning was amazing and drew me in right away. And now? I'm embarrassed to admit I own it. Yet another time where I've let beautifully written dust jacket blurbs and lovely covers suck me in.
This review will contain spoilers. Major ones. And profanity, so if that insults you, stop here. Please.
(Profanity has been redacted from this review to keep it and my blog clean. However, my Goodreads review still gets to feel the full burn of my anger.)
Seriously. There is A LOT of profanity. I'm not sure I've ever used so much in a review before. Or at all, for that matter.
(Again, profanity has been redacted from this review.)
THE HEROINE
Was I supposed to like her at all? Juliet was vapid, shallow, and selfish. Not to mention that she could never stick to a decision. Ever. All she ever did was complain about how she hates Romeo because he killed her, and then near the end of the book she remembers that SHE FREAKING KILLED HERSELF. What. The. Heck?!? There are no words sufficient to describe the stupidity of this!! "Oops. My bad! You didn't kill me. So I've been hating you all these years for nothing! Shoot!" It makes no sense!! Basically, she's wasted her entire centuries of her life. And what was with the whole "I hated myself but I should really love myself" stuff? It sounded too thrown in at the last moment, too rushed. There was no real substance and throughout the entire book Juliet felt so false and fake.
THE LOVE INTEREST
Um. So. What about him? Let's see, he's hot, he's dreamy, he's hot, he's dreamy, and, oh yeah, in his past life he was BENVOLIO FREAKING MONTAGUE. This makes absolutely no sense and felt so thrown in! Can you say random? Or how about I have no clue what to write so I think I'll throw this in? It felt like Jay needed to end the book so she made something up at the last minute. Too bad it makes no sense. And what was with his creepy, overprotectiveness? Not to mention his weird, annoying habit of being stupid and obtuse? He annoyed the hell out of me! Where's the good character traits that I'm supposed to fall in love with?! Why was he so shallow? Why does Juliet love him? Answers, please!! There's not even anything good to say about him. He talks too much and when he talks nothing that makes even remote sense comes out of his mouth.
THE VILLAIN
Romeo is the only remotely interesting character in this book. He has a sexy, bad boy attitude that's actually attractive. He's supposed to be evil, at least according to Juliet, but I don't see it. I love the two or three intermezzos (incidentally, I speak Italian.Intermezzo means interval. Which makes no sense. Just saying) when we get to hear the story from his point of view. He has a gorgeous, sarcastic voice and his parts are actually well written.He has more depth than every other character combined. he has regrets, and he made his choices. he has to live by them, but he doesn't have to like them. I love that about him and I wish there were more characters like him in this book.
THE "BEST FRIEND"
Ariel's best friend, Gemma, is so freaking annoying. Talk about a spoiled brat. Although Juliet couldn't seem to make up her mind about her, liking her one moment and hating her the next. So bipolar!! Make up your damn mind. There's not much to say about her, but I wanted to say this, so here goes: what was the point of her, exactly?
THE PLOT
The plot was, like, OMG, amazing.
Wait, that's not right. It sucked.
Juliet is so freaking indecisive, which does not help the plot at all.
I must be with Ben. I love him.
I can't be with Ben. He's supposed to love Gemma.
Screw Gemma! Ben, let's make out.
Go away, Ben! We can't ever be together!
Actually, let's elope.
Or try this one:
Romeo, I'm not working with you.
Oh, Romeo, fine. Let's get it over with.
Just kidding. I want to stay with Ben.
No! Wait! I need your help!
Screw you. I don't want to speak to you again.
And so on and so forth. So the book drags on for pages and pages of unnecessary stuff where nothing happens.
Basically, Juliet makes out with Romeo to convince Ben that they're together so he and Gemma can be together. Then she realizes Gemma and Mike are soul mates and Ben is her soul mate. They make out and fall in love. A bit too convenient, don't you think?
Hmm, you're right. Way too convenient.
And what happens? Love. Yep. That pretty much sums up the whole plot. So let's move on…
THE ROMANCE
Romeo and Juliet fall in love in about five days, give or take. The author says she doesn't believe this love was real, and yet she has Ben and Juliet fall in love in three days? It makes no freaking sense. There's no substance to the romance. Seriously, if anyone knows why Ben and Juliet fall in love, please tell me. Because it looks like a serious freaking case of insta-love to me. All they ever do is make out. They never actually have a deep conversation. And let's not mention that Juliet is technically lying to him about who she is. So he's in love with a stranger and doesn't know it. Lovely. How wonderful for them that they can fall in love without knowing one another at all. It seems to me like Juliet is repeating her mistake. How great. What a wonderful message to send to the world.
THE ENDING
Oh my God. ALTERNATE UNIVERSES. Are you freaking kidding me? This feels so thrown in at the last second! Innocent Ariel is lying on the ground. She's going to die, and so is Juliet. But wait! Juliet gets sent to an alternate universe! And Ariel exists in a another universe too, so it's okay! Well, what about this universe?!? I hate this. The damn alternate universe thing is such a damn crutch. Jay is basically saying she had no clue as to how to end the book, so she threw in alternate universes. Where Juliet falls in love with Ben as Benvolio Montague, in her original body. Instantly. And everything is happy and cheerful. Except for the fact that it's completely unbelievable. She gets a new life in the most pathetic way possible. And Ariel can start over. But since she, you know, died in this universe, making everything that Juliet was semi-decent enough to try to do for her, completely freaking pointless! Because she's dead! So the entire book was a waste!! Why not just start at the freaking ending?!? She might as well have!! Everything that happens throughout the entire book becomes irrelevant at the end. Ariel starts out in a new universe as Romeo's second chance. Great! So clean! Except for the major plot hole: where did the freaking alternate universes come from?! And why are the Ambassadors the only one who can use them?! Oh, and what happened to the Mercenaries?! Never mind them! We got our happy ending! Yeah. Sure.
THE WRITING
Juliet is the narrator. 'Nuff said.
No, but seriously, her voice is so annoying. I might've actually enjoyed the book more told from third person P.O.V. or someone else's P.O.V. Romeo's brief chapters, for example, I actually enjoyed. He has a dark, sardonic voice that pulls you in. Juliet, on the other hand, pushes your away. There's really not much else to say. Juliet was irritating and Romeo was not.
WRAPUP
Will I read the sequel? Probably only if it's about Romeo. And even then, only if it has a nice cover. Otherwise, I'd be too ashamed to buy it.
A SPECIAL NOTE ON THE QUOTE ON THE BACK OF THE DUST JACKET ON THE HARDCOVER U.S. EDITION
That was a mouthful. Anyway, that seemingly romantic quote on the back of the book? Well, not only does it turn out it would've sounded stupid because there was no love between Ben and Juliet that I could see, she doesn't even say it. She just thinks it. How lame is that? Pathetic, I know.
FINE.