well, i enjoyed yesterday. my DH took the day off and cleaned up most of the house for me while i was with the terrors at their classes. he cooked and baked as well. we had our friends, Eric & Astrid (and their baby) over for dinner. we always love when they come over. the kids love their baby girl and we love cracking jokes with them!
well it occurred to me that in a week or so will mark an event in my life. the time i got hospitalized.
do you think it's time to tell my story?
After having teeniest terror, i was so tired. all the time. as in wake up, feed the baby, change the baby, cuddle the baby, go to sleep with the baby...start process again.
I just slept all the time.
DH noticed and was a bit annoyed at first cuz nothing was getting done. then i started getting horrible pains in my mid section...so he got scared and off to the ER we went. they thought that it was because my insides weren't cleaned out right by the Doc who delivered my baby. Had sono done, they wanted to do a D&C (I think those are the initials...{ooPs})they didn't (TG) and sent me off with a prescription for cipro...which i found out I am allergic to.
anyways go to the Dr, follow up, tell them I am allergic and try and get other meds. start having fevers...really bad...I probably said a lot of stuff in delirium...DH is scared, my terrors are scared and crying, hugging me and asking me if I am going to die....so as soon as I am able to walk around I go to the DR. they're worried because there's gotta be a reason for the fever, right? so more blood work.
next day I get a call..."uh...mrs. terror....you need to go into the hospital. they're expecting you. I'm like ok, Doc...whatever ya say" and hang up thinking "uh uh. you're nuts, I ain't going to no hospital!" I call up DH and tell him what the Doc said and what I thought. he obviously didn't agree...called up the Doc and he forced me to go....
basically it was a miracle I wasn't passing out. my blood counts were alarmingly low and the Doc could not believe i was able to function let alone care for a newborn baby. they begin running tests to see what is wrong...
i get the news: I am diagnosed with Lupus. And it was attacking my kidneys. I needed a blood transfusion but with my blood type being rare and then my blood having antibodies attacking my kidneys they were worried my body would reject it.
so more tests...a kidney biopsy, skin biopsy, blood work done 3xs daily, my family coming and seeing me like this...the worry etched on their faces, my babies calling me crying for me to come back home promising that they'd behave for me if I just came back....that was the worst torture for me. I'd fight with God one moment and beg him the next saying "you gave me those beautiful little kids, you cannot take me away from them!"
I lasted in the hospital for a week. I was let out earlier cuz they needed the room...I wasn't ready physically to go back home but mentally that's where I needed to be. I had to go on Chemo to regenerate my kidneys...the Drs looked so grim when they spoke to me....like they didn't have any hopes of my kidneys coming back...
i saw the picture of the biopsy done during one of my visits....it was really bad. The DR was amazed and said I am a miracle.
yep.
that's just what I am, a walking, breathing, talking miracle.
I am soo grateful that my body held out for the whole pregnancy with teeniest terror...she had to be induced. that should've been a sign there. the OB had no reason to suspect anything....
being on heavy meds like prednisone and then HBP and diabetes...wow...it has taken a huge toll on me and my body...physically and mentally. it's taken it's toll on my family...i can honestly tell you that it was then that i knew my worth to them. growing up i have always battled with a low self image and with negative thoughts towards myself. having my dh stop everything to come and see me if just for a few minutes just to sit and look at me...made me realize just how much he loved and needed me.
NEEDED me.
well...the trip down memory lane is just a reminder to me to just take things in and enjoy the borrowed time we're all on. makes me appreciate the Lord's love and grace.
shortly after this DH decides it's high time that I start scrap booking. i had eyed the stuff and shied away from it thinking "it's not me, I wont be good at this" that's the beauty of it.
who does it have to be good for?
there's no right or wrong. since i love to gush about the terrors or just jot down thoughts it has been a perfect way to let my family know how i feel about them and that they are important enough to me to want to record it on paper.
well, it's getting late, i need to blow my nose and go to sleep. the hubby already bellowed for me.
xoxo
Nee